a moment of mental craziness, with some later reflection...

Morning of August 19 - "Oh my god, I can hardly stand it right now. I really just feel like I need some time to myself, and think that I will definitely go to Matagalpa tomorrow rather than on Sunday, and return on Monday afternoon. I am tired of being the center of attention, or everyone wanting to see and play with my stuff, of Joselling constantly touching and playing with me, of constantly answering questions. I just feel like I want to put on my headphones and scream! AHHHHHH!!!!!! And now Melvin is playing my harmonica, which, while fine, is also obnoxious from the standpoint of trying to transpose this interview and having to hear the same notes played over and over again out of harmony. Right now I am just tired, tired of everything about me being a novelty to half of the people that live in the house. God I cannot wait to get out for a little while. And I really probably should have just enrolled myself in the ecotourism project so as to not feel bad about leaving earlier than eight weeks from now, because right now I seriously don’t know if I am going to make it that long. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Rereading this entry in my journal, I almost have to laugh out loud. These are the feelings and moments that one is negotiating all the time when traveling in a new place, attempting to incorporate themself into a new culture, new traditions, and a new family. I need to remember that it is fine to feel this way, and also figure out how to close the door so that I can work at the house when I need to.
Ranting on another note, I am wondering why it is that a young woman, traveling alone, cannot possibly want to have a meal by herself, or, if she is choosing to talk to someone and spend an evening together, it automatically means she is looking for a hookup? Haha, I have been having a lovely time, but getting hit on all the time by both nicaraguan men and extranjeros who are also traveling is really tiring...
So, those are my thoughts and my complaints for the morning. I can´t believe I´ve already been here three weeks. Things are becoming more familiar, and feel pretty good, though confusion and frustration come up often enough. All looks better at the moment, however, since I just found a big jar of peanut butter at the super market. Funny how when away from home it becomes those really little things that make all the difference....